just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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