I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
