he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
