After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She bit a glass in half.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
