why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
