Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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