oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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