saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
