Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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