It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
