don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
