Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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