someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
