I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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