So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
