i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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