STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
