I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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