She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
