Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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