somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
