wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
whose ass print is on the piano?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
