hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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