So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
