Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
