no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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