I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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