hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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