He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
