I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
