so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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