i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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