do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
