i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
