I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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