Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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