Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
