You made me cry and you don't even care
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
