I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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