Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes