you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
