i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
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i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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