and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.