Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.