dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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