Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
two words: eviction party
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
