I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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