Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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