I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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