I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
