Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
