At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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