Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
