It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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