did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
