I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
