The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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