i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
