the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
