winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
