fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She announced her abortion via fbk
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
