So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
