If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
