so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
