my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
