nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
