its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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