Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
