i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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