You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
