she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
