My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
