guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
