My first STD was from a foam party
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
