They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
