we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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