Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
