ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
