Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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